june 3 2010

" One of the most saddest part of life is keeping yourself busy & pushing yourself to the limit all day. And when you get home lying in bed, you'll discover that after all you've done to satisfy your-self , you're still in the very same position that you've been trying to escape."

It's been 1 month, 2 weeks and 3 days since i last saw him. But his angry eyes seem to always hunt me in my dreams. Its still fresh in my memories like it was just yesterday and it still punches a hole in my chest every time I remember those last moments i had with him. When he asked me not to give up on us na konting panahon na lang.

But I can't take back what i did, and now I'm missing him ti high heavens. i miss him so much it literally hurts. Sometimes I am asking my self if its right to give up, to just move on and discard everything we had. There are those moments that I'm regretting every thing I've said to him and just take him back and be contented at what he had for me kaya lang I would realize na tama namasyado na ko nagmumukhang tanga.

i don't know why i gave up. Maybe because i can't trust him anymore. Maybe because lust and love doesn't always keep the same company in his point of view. Maybe I grew tired of waiting and wanting... for nothing. Maybe I'm afraid na at the end of the road wala pala kaming future together. Or maybe i just really felt that everything has changed. That he's not my Alex anymore, he's not my mamang pogi na amoy safeguard. He's more of Aj now.

He speak differently not because of his thick accent but because its not the same, its not the way he used to be. i know he's conceited but never rude, never that but now feels like i don't know him at all.

Maybe feelings really change and that's what hurts the most, that he doesn't feel the same way anymore. nahihirapan lang siyang sabihin sa'yo na wala na dahil walaka namang ginagawang masama. na kaya hindi ka niya ma maiwan kasi naaawa na lang siya sa'yo.

And maybe those are the reasons why i chose to stop what we had. I love him but i think this is just it. I still miss him every now and then. Every part of me, every single cell in my body still wants him, shouts his namn.

Minsan nakakainis na. kahit anong ginagawa ko, kahit walang koneksiyon sa kanya naaalala ko siya. Then it would put me to that same stupor that i've been trying to avoid this past few weeks.

I MISS HIM. SO MUCH. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. EXCEPT HIM.

Let's call him Mr. A

Hindi siya mabait. Sa totoo lang nakakinis talaga siya. ginagawa niya lang kung ano ang gusto niya at siyempre pag gusto niya yun ang tama. wala siyang pakialam sa nararamdaman ng mga taong nakpaligid sa kanya. wala siyang paki alam kung magalit sa kanya lahat ng taong nakapaligid sa kanya. mayabang siya, malaki ang bilib sa sarili, conceited, babaero, moody. lahat na lang. sira ulo! madalang siyang gumawa ng tama. ganyan siya bilang tao. marami nagsasabi mababaw daw siya. walang alam sa totoong buhay. siguro nga may mga pagkaktaon na. . .hindi , hindi pagkakataon parati, parati siyang ganoon.

Pero hindi alam ng maraming tao na mabait talaga siya, sa sarili niyang paraan. kung hindi mo siya kilala sasabihin mong nakakainis siya, mayabang pero paraan niya lang yun para ipakita sa'yo para sabihin na "malapit ka sakin kaya pinapakita ko ang ugali ko sa'yo" o talagang sadyang naglalambing lang siya sa'yo. and be flattered dahil hindi naman talaga siya mahilig makipag-close sa tao.

may mga bagay siyang sinasabi na minsan normally mali at hind inaayunan ng mga tao pero ipagpipilitan pa rin niya sa'yong tama yon, pag pinag isipan mo naman sasabihin mo na may sense at tama din naman if you'll look at it in a different light.

wala siyang pakialam sa nararamdaman ng ibang tao o sa mga taong nasa paligid niya. di dahil wala lang talaga siyang pakialam kundi dahil ayaw niya lang na may makakilala kung sino siya talaga di dahil duwag siya. ayaw niya lang na makita ng ibang tao yung kalungkutan niya at kaawaan lang siya sa bandang hulu. ayaw niya ng kinaaawaan siya.

mayabang siya, malaki ang bilib sa sarili, conceited. ganoon talaga siya kasi alam niyang kaya niya ang sarili niya at totoo lahat ng sinasabi niya. malaki ang bilib niya sa sarili hindi dahil puro yabang lang yon kundi dahil talagang nagawa niya yung bagay na sinasabi niya na walang pinahihirapan o taong naapakan. hindi siya mayabang, malakas lang ang loob.

babaero. maraming babae na nagpatunay nito. siguro kasi marami nga talaga siyang babae na pinaiyak, maraming babae din ang nag habol sa kanya. pero masasabi ko na hindi siya babaero. nagkataon lang na una siyang nagsawa at nakahanap ng iba. kaya hindi siya babaero.

sira-ulo. eto yung hindi ko sigurado(hahahahaha) siguro laht naman ng tao may kanya kanyang kabaliwan. extra craziness nga lang yung sa kanya kung baga sa kape extra-strong. pero hindi siya sira-ulo. nagkataon lang na mas kakaiba yung andar ng utak niya sa andar ng utak ng ibang tao.

madalang siyang gumawa ng tama. hindi yun dahil sinasadya nya mangyari yung mga ganoong bagay. sadyang hindi lang talaga tama sa ibang tao yung gingawa niya. tulad nga nung sinabi ko kanina ibang klase siya magisip pero may sense parin naman. yun nga lang makikita mo lang yung tama sa ginawa niya kapag tapos na.

moody. hindi naman siguro. mabilis lang siyang madistract, kaya mabilis magbago yung moods niya. parang babaeng nag p-PMS.

ngayon, kung itatanong niyo kung bakit ko ginawa 'tong blog na to, siguro para sa future girlfriend niya. mahirap siyang intindihin pero siguro after 1 year and 4 months mo siyang makasama sa buhay mo masasabi mo na hindi narin ganoon kasama na maging boyfriend mo siya.

marami siyang mga qualities na bigla nalang lumalabas kapag kasama mo na siya. nakatuwa din siyang companion. malambing, maharot, makulet. alam niya kung papano kukunin ang atensiyon mo kapag ayaw mo siyang pansinin.ipagluluto ka niya ng paborito mongh pag kain kahit hindi yon ang paborito mo ipaggigiitan niyang yun yon at pipilitin ka niyang sabihin namasarap ang luto niya kahit mukha namang pinaglaruan ng bata. well in the end it's the thought that really counts. kapag nag tampo ka sakanya he would do something really, really sweet and something that could really sweep you off your feet para lang tanggapin mo na yung sorry niya. magaling din siyang tigapakinig pwede mong sabihin sa kanya lahat ng problema mo at pagkatapos mong basain ang damit niya dahil sa luha mo sasabihin niya sayo'ng maayos din lahat ng problema basta maniwala ka lang.


masyado na ata akong nagiging corny. pero siguro ganto talaga. so paano Mr. A?nakabawi na ko sa'yo a. at para sa future girlfriend mo: alagaan mo yang mokong na yan pag di mo siya inalagaan i'll kill you:)

i miss him:(

I miss him very badly. I miss the times we were alone together. I miss the sound of his laugh when we goof around. I miss his voice that is ever so manly yet so soft in some ways. I miss the way he says I’m beautiful even if I just woke up. I wonder when would I hear his tender tone once again cause I miss that.

I miss his gaze that makes me shiver even when it’s hot. I miss the way stare at me lovingly as if I’m the only person who made him feel that wonderful glow inside. I miss his look, that intent looks as if I’m the only woman around. I miss the times when I would wake up by his side and stare directly at those marvelous eyes of his just to be smiling in the end for thinking of what I could have done good to deserve him. I miss the time when we would watch a movie and he would tell me that he didn’t comprehend the movie because he always ends up watching me even if he try to concentrate. I miss the time that I would fall asleep in his shoulders and when I wake up he would tell me that he has been looking at my face for hours now and he will never be tired doing that for the rest of our lives. I miss the way he looked so amused looking at me tripping with nothing to blame but my feet and still tell me I’m graceful. I wonder when I would see that soulful eyes again cause I’m longing to see that.

I miss his touch and his smell. I miss the feel of his skin against mine. I miss the way he soothes my pain away with his loving strokes. I miss the electricity between us even in just a mere rubbing of our fingers when we hold hands. I miss those butterflies in my stomach even with the thought that my lips would touch to his. I miss the way he would hug me. He would pull me closer as if we’re not that close enough, as if never wanting to let go. I miss his smell. That smell that always stays in my nose even if we’re not together. That wonderful soapy like smell. I wonder when I could hold him again and I wonder when I would smell his unique smell that I could distinguish from anyone else.

And maybe what I miss the most is he. I miss that guy who made me feel special. The guy who made me happy in every day of my life, the guy who made me see everything in a different light. The guy who made me see reason, the guy who made me understands everything. The boy who made me experience carnival of emotions that made me sick yet I can’t let go. I miss the boy who told me he misses me even if I were just gone for five minutes. The boy who told me he’ll never leave me and will love me no matter what.
All in all I just miss him. I just really do.

balemtayms day.

parang ang unfair isipin na ang valentines ay para lamang sa mga couple.e ang dami kayang single sa earth ngayon.! isa na ko doon.

maraming rason kung bakit single ang magtao.

una yung mga career oriented:
>walang time mag jowa.puro karir lang.walang seryosohan.hehehe.hindi counted ang karir dahil yun ay for fun lang lunukin yon at tanggapin. isang bagay na magtatapos at magsisismula sa kama.gets?

old maid:
>hindi makamove on kay ex.ilang taon na 'te nakanganga at nakatunghad ka pa din diyan. yung ex mo may asawa't anak na, ikaw napag iwanan na ng panahon.
>o kaya sabi nila marriage is a choice not a must.ayun kaka choice nag deteriorate ang value.kung baga sa isda pag di na pula hasang wala ng bibili.

man/woman hater:
>yung mga babaeng naloko ng lalake sa unang beses silang panain ni kupido. nadala na ayaw na mag mahal uli kesehodang sabihin mong binibitay na lahat ng single sa earth o kahit latagan o alukin mo pa ng pera yan.baka jompalin ka lang niyan ng bongga!
>hindi lang naman mga third sex na adan ang may ayaw sa mga bababe.meron din naman akong kakilala na gwapo pero ayaw na sa babae nagka phobia na sa unag girl friend. control freak daw kasi kung baga sa basket ball half time break palang nakabantay na.parang pitbull. kaya ayun ayaw na daw muna mag jowa kasi sagabal daw.

single kuno:
>single daw ang ulupong paano ang kinakalantari e may iba na. taken na ba. o kaya sigle single-an para di mahuli ning pamilya.paano galit yung pamilya sakanya.galit yung asawa't anak nung tao sa kanya.
>press release.eto naman vice versa siya yung may hawak na e kumakalantari pang iba.

wala na kong maisip.pag may naisip ako idadagdag ko pa.well any way. hindi naman ibig sabihin na pag valentines e kailangan may jowa ka na.pwede namang m.u-m.u lang.kakabitin nga lang yun. kaya hatakin mo nalang yung crush mo mag-date kayo mag plastican kayo na kunyari wala kayong nararamdaman sa isa't isa.epek na yun.

budoy!

   hi! specially to you who decided to read this blog! wala lang.naisipan ko lang na gumawa nito while our kapit bahay is doing their video oke again for the nth time this week.

   okay for starters i'm BUDOY. you can call me BUDOY for short. hihi brr.. parang wala namang pinagkaiba. i'm bebs to my friends. usually i don't do anything i just bum around at times i guess. i'm a walking mess. i've said i'm clumsy. kaya nga pag kasama ko yung mga kaibigan ko parati akong nakakapit, kasi you'll never know when i'll trip again. nakakahiya naman. siguro in a day i could trip like 8 times at minimum. :)

  siguro one thing that contributed din for me to have this daily blog is to have a virtual diary na nababasa ng lahat!hihi brr..

next siguro kasi wala akong magawa dito sa bahay nakakapagod din naman maging bum once in a while.:) jindi rin naman ako pa mall-mall lang because i'm perpetually broke, anonh mararating ng bente pesos di ba?

lastly kasi feeling ko heartbroken ako!feeling ko lang naman kasi naman mag tu-two months narin kaming break hindi pa rin ako maka get over. siguro nga kasi mahal ko talaga siya.nagtagal din naman kasi kami.

so here! i'm making this blog para isiwalat lahat ng drama shits sa buhay ko. everything. so i hope this would work. I HOPE.. :)